Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
