Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
