she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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