So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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