Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
