You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
