Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
