What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
