you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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