i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
