so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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