My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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