The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
