So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
