bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA