I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We got so high we made milksteak
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
