the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.