we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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