someone owes me an orgasm
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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