Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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