mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
