i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
