i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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