Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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