OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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