wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
