She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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