tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
