No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
