I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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