it wasn't lemon gatorade
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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