Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tornado booty call.. dedication
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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