her vagine was all disorganized.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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