uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
