how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're a waste of cheezeits
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
