A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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