I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
