Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
