I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
