we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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