Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
