Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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