Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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