if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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