She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
