dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
