I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
