At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
