Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
