No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
