I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
