im about as happy as oj after his trial
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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