Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
