I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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