if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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