what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
