Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
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Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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