I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
