I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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