I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
