Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
