i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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