I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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