Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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