Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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