burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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