Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
