My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
