4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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