And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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