people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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