The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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