I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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