Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
