i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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