There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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