Sry I called you an 8
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
