I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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