we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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