I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
