went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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