She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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