I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
