I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
